Waterfalls

Posted on July 13, 2010 by Conrad

I stood there watching as the water danced around in the fountain. From there it cascaded down the shallow inclines and finally emerged out into the large wading pool in the center of the square. Groups of friends, couples, loners scattered about on the landscape of benches and tables. I had taken my time walking down the busy Yonge street stretch to get there as I watched cars raced by and people hurriedly scrambling to their dinner parties and friends’ condos. It was only a few months prior that I had just walked along this same stretch.

With each step I took, memories took a hold of me, reminding me of certain moments of my past only to reveal a smile on my face and the occasional laugh. Every few minutes, another one conjured up only to result in the same response. Until finally I reached that spot. Across the street stood the plaza reminding me of that one time. Grin on my face, shaking my head, remembering how ridiculous we were that time.

And that’s when I turned around, standing there, staring into the fountain, watching the water flow away. I felt at ease. Watching the running water as if was taking it all away, I finally felt free.

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The Morning After

Posted on August 12, 2009 by Conrad

Sometimes, while wandering the streets of Toronto on a Friday night, you come across a fountain that is filled with so much soap or detergent that it overflows with an exuberant amount of foam suds. Usually this leads to a night of chaos, random pushing and shoving, playing in the fountains followed by a night of drunkenness where some people forget the events of the previous night.

Needless to say, a typical Friday night.

The morning after, I received a phone call from my friend. Although I had a slight buzz the night before, I was nowhere near the blood-alcohol limit, nor did I drive, but being a good friend, he asked me if I got home safe:

Friend: did you get home ok?
Conrad: ya, why wouldn’t i have gotten home ok?
Friend: i don’t know, how did you end up back in Mississauga?
Conrad: oh, [our other friend] drove me home, she’s from Mississauga too — we carpooled.
F: oh.
C: how are you feeling?
F: I’m not sure, I’m still drunk.
C: hangover? do you even get them?
F: well, I’m still drunk now, but I’ll drink water and I’ll be ok.
C: wow you were really that drunk last night? Do you even remember anything from last night?
F: no, not really.
C: I’ll post the pictures so you can see them, they are hilarious. Do you remember wanting to go back to the club because you kept on saying that that girl wanted to do you?
F: no. there was a girl that wanted to do me?
C: yea, you don’t remember? I guess the best way to describe her is that she was kind of fat.
F: man, when i get drunk, i am such a chubby chaser.
C: it’s ok, for what it’s worth, she seemed to be attracted — she kept on saying you were a good dancer.
F: yessss.
C: but I know you’re taken, and I didn’t want you to do anything with the chick there, so i pulled you out of the club, even though you really wanted to go back. I hope you’re ok with that. Do you remember talking to that homeless man?
F: I talked to a homeless man?
C: Yea, you were telling him about the fountain, and then he told you something about how he was the one that made the fountain all foamy or something.
F: i talked to a homeless man?
C: yea.
F: what else did he say?
C: I’m not sure, you guys were too far away for me to hear what the two of you were talking about, but after you guys walked in a circle around the fountain, you said, ‘let’s do it again.’ and the homeless man walked away from you. I think he was scared of you.
F: awwwwwwww, usually i am the one that walks away from homeless men.
C: it’s ok, I made sure you were ok – I took pictures of you walking with him.
F: I’ll have to check them out.
C: good times, good times.

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Carpe Diem

Posted on August 5, 2009 by Conrad

There was once a time in my life where I lived carefree. I carried a air of nonchalance around with me, and whenever something bad arose, it was quickly responded with a quick shrug of the shoulders and an expression on my face which spoke the words “c’est la vie.”

Looking back at my academic tenure, I can honestly say that I was an underachiever. In some ways, life was too easy fo me, I was always able to get by school with doing the minimal amount of work, yet still I did relatively well. I got into a program and university which, at the time, was considered a very competitive program to get into. And even with these successes that I achieved, year after year during high school, my teachers would tell me the same thing. “You know, if you tried, you could do so much better.” My parents often echoed their words, reminding me everyday to study, work hard, and make the most of what I had. But to me, those words were nothing more than pests nagging and gnawing away at me.

In hindsight, I wish I had taken heed of their advice. In some ways, I feel like I should have made more of my potential. And that’s not to say that I don’t regret the fun I had or the experiences I shared with my friends, but since then, I’ve realized that with that extra ounce of effort, I could have achieved more than I did. But in your adolescence, you’re young, naive, stubborn and stupid. You make mistakes, and become jaded by distractions in life and choose your paths based on what you believe in.

As I’ve grown up and as I’ve matured, I realize now that many of those friendships have dissolved and those memories have faded. I look back and wonder where would I be now had I put the extra effort in. Would I be saving the world? Would I be the president? Would I be an astronaut? I’ll never know, but moving forward in life, all I can do now is make the most of what I have now.

In my recent years, I’ve been trying my hardest to put in my fullest effort into the things I do. This is especially true for my job, and the game I’ve been making.  For the past year and a half, I’ve been working late hours night after night, going into work during the weekends, and on rare occassions, too focused to even stop to eat a meal. And at the cusp of its release, I can’t help but feel proud for the effort that I’ve put into it. As the previews of the game slowly trickle in, there have only been positive words to describe our game.

High school and university may be well behind me in the past, but I’ve finally gotten that sense of pride and accomplishment for making the most of my potential and putting in my fullest effort. It’s a great feeling to have, and although I may have missed out on it for the past two decades, I hope to continue getting that feeling in the future years to come.

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Random Thought of the Day

Posted on August 5, 2009 by Conrad

Back in third year, while living in the broken, run down house on Lester street, my roommates and I, along with my girlfriend at the time, made a trip to the grocery store.

Standing in the produce section of the store, I was picking out avocados from the neatly stacked pyramids.

“All these avocados are way too ripe. The ones in the organic section are perfect, but they’re a dollar more.”

My roommate, with a face of disgust from my complaining, reached out, and picked up an overripe avocado.

“Come,” she told me.

Avocado in hand, we walked over to the organic section where she reached into the basket of avocados, pulled one out, swapped the two stickers and threw the organic avocado into my basket.

“There, now you have a non overripe avocado for a dollar cheaper.”

The things we did in university to save a dollar.

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Random Thought of the Day

Posted on July 13, 2009 by Conrad

In recent news, a picture of a naked man was taken while the Google street view cameras were roaming the streets. Some people claimed that this was an invasion of privacy with threats that Google should not be allowed to freely roam the streets taking pictures at it’s own expense.

I beg to differ. If there’s one thing that I wish I could do, it would be to be a part of Google street view. In fact, I think it is my new dream to be immortalized as a part of the internet in Google street view dressed up as Waldo. And if that isn’t possible, I will settle for Carmen Sandiego.

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Crossroads

Posted on July 9, 2009 by Conrad

Time is commonly seen as being the fourth dimension. If I had my say, I would claim that the fifth dimension would consist of experience, realization, understanding and wisdom all meshed into some Frankenstein entity that could at best be described as something resembling insightful maturity. The fifth dimension would work independently of time where some people would come to it sooner than others. Some, who I would categorize as the less fortunate ones, would be on a path of less traveled and never come to realize what it truly means. In some ways, I feel that I’m lucky that through my life experiences, I had to grow up fast. I started young and I experienced a lot quickly. Through my friends, through my enemies, through all the good and all the bad, I’ve always tried to keep an open mind, learn from my mistakes and make the best of all the opportunities and situations in my life, and in the end, I feel that I can safely say that at a relatively young age, I’ve discovered the things that I want in life.

Lately I’ve been trying to rekindle with the people from my past. I’ve been meeting up and talking to people I haven’t talked to or seen in months, and in some cases, people that I’ve been out of touch with for years. Throughout life, people will come and go like an intertwining web of roads and at some point, you will come across people from your past at certain crossroads. During the absences where people disappear from your life, it is inevitable that they travel along different paths than the one you’re on and live their own unique experiences. And what fascinates me the most is how these people change during their unique travels, especially with regards to maturity levels and personal goals.

A few weeks ago, I met up for lunch with an old friend from high school. Back in the day, we would cut class, wander around aimlessly with no direction, and looking back, I feel that we were real burnouts. We really had no future, no goals — we were carefree with a good sense of humour and a lust for fun. But that day, over some steamed dumplings and hand-made noodles, things were drastically different.

“I don’t know, I just feel like I’ve underachieved my whole life, that I want to work hard, chase my dreams, make the most of my life. Life’s too short, and I just feel like we have to take the opportunities that are given to us since we’re not growing any younger.”
“Wow. I feel exactly the same way. I felt like I really needed to reevaluate my life, put things on hold and figure things out.”
“Yea, I mean, I just want to set goals in my life, and for once, work my hardest to achieve them — no more just getting by because I can. I want to feel that sense of achievement for deserving what I earn.”
“I hear you. I just feel like you get it. And that’s important because some people in this world, they still don’t get it, they’re in their mid 40s, 50s, and are happy with doing what they do with no desire to become more.”

It was comforting hearing those words and knowing that somewhere, out there, people were doing exactly the same thing that I was doing for exactly the same reasons. I was happy to know that I wasn’t alone, that I understood what was meant by the words “get it“. After hearing those words, I couldn’t help but think that somewhere, at some point in our lives, we must have found each other at the same fork in the road and somehow managed to walk along the same path.

Life works in funny ways, and I hope that the important people in my life that I cherish, my friends, my family and those that I love, will at some point find themselves at that same intersection. I hope that they will find themselves at that point sooner rather than later, as deep down, there’s that potential and inspiration buried deep within us all, ready to be tapped and smelted into the dreams that we chase.

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Second Year Reunion

Posted on June 14, 2009 by Conrad

It was like second year again. The sounds of Sean Paul slurring phrase after phrase together over heavy bass from the speakers connected to the laptop. Here we were again – top 40 songs being streamed from Amit’s power hour and playing the stupidest games we could think of.

Even though I spent the greater part of my life immersed in a culture of white boys and keg parties, I have to admit that I’ve never gotten the opportunity to experience the fraternity’s gift to society: beer pong. That is… until last night.

Ironically enough, my virgin beer pong experience was with a crowd of brown people where I was the token Asian and Kristjan was the token white boy. Fittingly enough, us two minorities were paired up together and pitted against Amit and his friend Sam.

There was a quick run down of the rules for Kristjan (who should have been born with the game rules), and after a bit of trashtalking, we got our game on. It soon became apparent that team token-not-brown was getting their suck on.

Kristjan: Alright, you go first.
Conrad: Man, you sure? I’m chinese – how many Chinese basketball players can you name besides Yao Ming.
K: Um…
C: Exactly, you didn’t even say Sun Yue.
K: Just go.

I aim the ball and give a few Tiger Woods-like practice swings before throwing the ping pong ball. As it leaves my hand, the Chinese gods bestow their spiritual forces upon me, pushing the ball away 3 feet to the left of the cups.

Laughter ensues.

Amit: Guy, that wasn’t even close.
Conrad: What do you expect? I’m Chinese. It was inevitable.
A: But guy, the cups are here – you almost pegged Bina in the head.
Kristjan: Looks like I’m going to have to take over.

Kristjan takes a throw and we watch as the ball richochets off the rim of the center cup and falls to the floor.

Conrad: This is going to be a disaster.

As the game goes on, Amit and Sam start off strong, getting at least one cup per round.

***

About 15-20 minutes has past, and we stand there, looking at our setup. It’s even. Each team has 2 cups left in front of them.

Conrad: Alright K, we gotta get this one, we gotta win – after all that trashtalking about us being white and them being brown, we have to win this.
K: Alright, alright, I’m gonna go.

Kristjan throws the ball across the table. Miss.

C: Ok, I’m going.

Aim. Shot. Goal.

K: You see that? I have a ringer on my team.

Amit and Sam go, but miss both their shots. The ball’s back in our court and I can’t help but gloat about the fact that we’re up 2-1.

Conrad: Yo Kristjan, we should give them a chance. Why don’t we go from 3-point land.
Kristjan: You’re right, there’s no other way they’re going to win.
C: Alright, let’s be Kobe Bryant, game 7 at the buzzer. Let’s go from way back.
K: Let’s DOOO it!

Just because we can, we stand an extra 15 feet from where we’re supposed to throw from. Kristjan’s up first.

Kristjan: I gotta do it, I’m going for it, I’m going for the underhand, really high arch shot.

The ball leaves his hand and reaches it’s apex about 5 feet from the two storey ceiling. Floating in mid air for a good few seconds, it makes it’s descent and surprisingly hits the table about half a foot away from the cup.

K: Damn. Well, it’s all up to you now Chinaman.
C: I’m going to go for the jump shot.

I jump off the ground, hitting a record breaking 4 inch vertical lift off the ground, and release the ball Ray Allen styles. The ball drifts through the air in stop motion. One frame at a time, we watch as the ball flies through it’s arch until finally we see the sweet amber splash coming out of the cup.

Conrad: Holy shit, I didn’t think that was going to hit.
Kristjan: Whatever, that was amazing Yao Ming.
Conrad: I love this game.

After a celebratory Team Token-Non-Brown round of high fives, we watch as Amit and Sam drink the remaining cups of beer and we have a good laugh at it all.

I can’t help but feel like we’re back in second year. It’s a great feeling when you can take a step back from reality, and just be a bit younger for one night and relive the memorable times from the past.

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Grandma

Posted on March 25, 2009 by Conrad

On this day, last year, my grandmother passed away. She was very dear to me. She lived with our family in our old house in Mississauga and spent much of her time raising me. At her funeral last year, I was asked to speak a few words and these were the words I had to share:

My grandmother was born in China in February of 1919. She grew up in a family of seven children, and was the eldest of six daughters and one son. Upon graduating from College she assisted her father in running their family business. With the onset of World War II, her and her family fled to Hong Kong where she eventually settled down and raised her four children. As her children grew up, her family decided to move to Canada for higher education and a brighter future. She and her husband soon followed and in 1984, Ai, and her husband Lee Loo immigrated to Canada to live with their children.

I still remember the day when my grandmother first arrived in Canada. My two grandparents moved into the spare room in our old house at the cozy court deep within the corners of Mississauga. My grandmother’s love of learning and education motivated her to attend English classes and her determination to learn the language was truly shown when she would try her hardest to try and speak the language with us, as well as local neighbors on her daily walks.

I remember the days when I would arrive home from day care, running from the bus to the front door only to be greeted by the open arms of my smiling grandmother. No matter what, she would always be there, ready to keep me company and take care of me. One game in particular still remains vivid in my memories. My grandmother would sit with me on my bed, flipping through those Chinese flash cards one by one as I would flawlessly recite the Chinese words on the cards from memory. When it came to taking care of me, she always put me in front of all her other responsibilities and made sure that I was always safe at home never experiencing a dull moment. She made sure that I never went hungry and that I always had a friend at my side. She often cooked for us and made some of our favourite foods including spring rolls, which required her to patiently cut various vegetables into thin slices which were then meticulously wrapped. Or another of our favourite dishes, her specialty, pork stuffed “dow pok,” which were these small deep fried puffs of tofu.

Every night, she would tell us “goo-see,” silly Chinese folktales to help us sleep. They would always be different stories. Sometimes different variations of the same story, but they always ended with an underlying moral or lesson. Night after night, no matter how long it took, she would never run out of stories to tell, and she would continue telling them until we were sound asleep.

When she got admitted to the Yee Hong Center for Geriatric Care, she quickly made friends as she loved talking to the people around her and was never afraid to say hi to all those around her. Whether it was in English, Cantonese, Fukienese or Mandarin, she always had kind words for those around her.

While at Yee Hong, I wanted to be there for her and give her the same love and care that she gave to me many years ago. I made every effort to visit her every week, making sure she stayed healthy, that she was always eating well and that she always had a smile on her face. I kept her company in her room, talked to her, and made sure she knew that I cherished her with all my heart. Every time I went to visit her, I noticed that her face would light up with cheer, and it was satisfying knowing that she appreciated the love and care that I was giving to her. However, even in her old age, she would still put me in front of everything else – she would ask me, “Have you eaten dinner yet? Go home, eat dinner, I’m fine here,” even though deep down, I knew she wanted me to stay with her and keep her company. But that’s what made her so special. No matter what the situation, she always put the people around her first and thought about what was best for others before thinking about what was best for herself. Her name “Ai,” couldn’t have been a more appropriate name for her, as the word Ai translates to love in Chinese, something that she was willing to share with all of those around her.

Having lived such a long, fulfilling life, she was able to touch so many people; she will be missed and will often be in our thoughts. Grandma, you’ll always be remembered for your good heartedness and hospitable nature. You’ll always have a place in my heart, and I’ll love you forever.

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Balance

Posted on March 18, 2009 by Conrad

I wrote this a while back and for some reason, feel like sharing it now:

There isn’t really a clear definition of what balance really is. In today’s modern times, balance has a wide number of definitions that range between justice, spirituality and sanity. To me, I find that balance is a personal choice in life that falls within two categories: ethics and gratitude.

I’ve always felt that balance has a lot to do with personal values and morals. For me, I’ve always maintained a sense of balance in life by doing the right things.

The golden rule states that one should “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” This law has stood up against the test of time. It has become the foundation for countless religions. Concepts such as karma, nirvana and even afterlife have spawned from it. For me, it’s always been my choice to live by it. I always try to do the things which I think is right and avoid the things that I wouldn’t want others to do to me. The most I can ask in return from the people in my life, is that they treat me with the same respect.

But who’s to say what’s right and what’s wrong? Well, nobody really. The truth is, people set their own personal rules and boundaries that they follow. Although others may not agree with your views, as long as you follow what you believe is right, you’ll find yourself surrounded by like-minded people. It’s not possible to get everybody in the world to be in agreement with you. If that were the case, then there would be no wars, there would be no conflict in Palestine, and no genocides in Africa. The most you can do is to be the best person you can be, and hope that others will take your lead.

In due time, you’re bound to find yourself surrounded by the people you love – friends, family, loved ones.

It’s important to not take them for granted, appreciate them for being there. It’s so easy to lose sight of the things that others do for you, but every now and then you have to let the people around you know that you’re happy they’re there in your life. You have to spend time with them and make the most of it while the opportunity is still there.

I find with these two things, if you follow them, people will reciprocate, and through that you’ll have a healthy balance in life. When you’ve reached that balance, you can’t help but cherish those around you, make the best and most of all situations, and inevitably, you’ll end up living a life of happiness.

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Posted on February 23, 2009 by Conrad

This morning, as I made my way out of the on-ramp lane, I looked back through my rear view mirror to take a quick glance at the person behind me. Usually, as a part of my daily ritual, I usually follow this up with a slight wave of my hand to give my thanks. I don’t think anything of this quick 3 second exchange – it’s just morning routine.

However on this particular morning, the ritual was broken, I couldn’t take my eyes off my rear-view mirror. Staring into my rear-view mirror, I couldn’t help but feel like a voyeur looking in on the life of the woman behind me. I guess the best way to describe her was, “furious.” Screaming into her cellphone, I watched as she mouthed the words “Fuck you!” and “Fuck off!” Curse word after curse, it was like watching a bad George Carlin movie.

What was she so mad about? Who was she talking to? Maybe she was breaking up with her boyfriend over the phone. Maybe her boyfriend was breaking up with her. Maybe she just woke up on the wrong side of the bed or was just PMSing.

It’s strange looking in as an outsider, but I felt like I was watching a pinnacle moment of somebody’s life through a 30 second glimpse into my rear-view mirror.

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